Information for partners

Many people with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) - diagnosed and undiagnosed - have partners and children.

Some manage partnerships and family life very capably, while others may experience great difficulties. Partners may find that living with someone who has an ASD is difficult. For example, some partners say that it is difficult to cope with apparently hurtful behaviour, even when they know their partner did not intend to cause any hurt or upset.

One solution is to be more frank and explicit: tell your partner what you are thinking and feeling and what you need them to do in response. Do not be ambiguous and do not assume your wishes/emotions are acknowledged and understood.

It may also be hard for you to understand your partner's needs. They may be interested in things that seem boring to you; they may find apparently normal social situations very stressful; or they may be reluctant to give up routines. It helps to have a calm, reasoned discussion about any issues. You may find that writing things down is easier, as your partner has more time to take in what you've said and respond to you. Drawing up a timetable for certain activities, such as mealtimes, can help your partner to know what is going to happen when.

This section contains more in-depth information for partners. Follow the links below.

Partners of people with Asperger syndrome: a guide

An overview of Asperger syndrome for partners, along with lists of useful contacts.

Partners - some frequently asked questions

Our Autism Helpline is often contacted by partners of people with autism spectrum disorders. Sometimes their partner is diagnosed and sometimes they are not. They are seeking information and support, and we hope this section will be of some help.

Issues for partners of people with Asperger syndrome

Notes by trained counsellors with expertise in supporting couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome. They have identified some of the issues which can arise in such relationships, and suggest ways in which you might tackle them.

Asperger syndrome: broaching the subject

You may believe that someone you know has undiagnosed Asperger syndrome. How do you broach the subject with them?

Benefits and community care

Information about benefits you may be entitled to claim and details of our Welfare Rights Service, and Community Care Service, which can tell you more about benefits or help from social servcies.

Real life stories from partners

Real-life stories from partners of people with an autistic spectrum disorder

Useful websites for partners of people with an ASD

Links to websites of relevance to people with a partner with an autism spectrum disorder.

Helpline email service

[Reply given] Our online advice and information service for people with autism and Asperger syndrome, parents, professionals, researchers, etc. We aim to give a response within 14 working days.